Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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