I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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