I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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