My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You just made me feel so damn special
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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