at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
