you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
