I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
