Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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