Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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