I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
