"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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