i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
did i walk over a car last night?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
