he thought i was a dude.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
