So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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