Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
