I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
