Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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