we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
