Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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