Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
