I didn't shave. On purpose
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
