sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
