My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i drank out of a bidet.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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