Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
