I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
