Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
