I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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