heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
