i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
