Plan B is the new Plan A
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
