Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
