her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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