Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
