So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
