Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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