He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Even my vagina gasped.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
