You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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