There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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