This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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