remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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