the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
