About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
