OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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