sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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