No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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