He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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