where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
