My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
