omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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