I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
