I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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